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June 05 When the smart becomes stupid.Tonight is a typical night where there is nothing I wish to do, I’m not happy but at the same time I’m not sad. I would say I’m in between but not indifferent. Naturally there is much thinking done. I do not think Thomas Edison found gravity sitting under an apple tree, he was bored. Boring people think a lot and found a lot. I think that would differentiate Thomas Edison from a chicken. When chickens are bored, they do not think, they feed. Thinking is supposed to make us smart. So, if you are already smart, you’ll be busy doing smart thing and have less time to think, therefore, you become stupid. To a rich bastard, science PhD holders are stupid because they’re poor. To a science doctor, rich bastards are mindless oafs with only a few loads of gold. Therefore, when you’re smart in a way, you’re stupid in another way. People always tell themselves that nobody is perfect, but I think that is a way of saying for them to feel better. You may think I’m writing nonsense here but if you’re in my situation, you’d do the same. Boredom does funny things to our mind.
P/S: if thomas edison doesn't even have time to shit, do you think he'll discover gravity? He probably doesn't even realize something is pulling his shit. How much do we need to lose before start making?Recently I was indulged into Forex trading and when I say indulge, I mean it. Things sparked a month ago when I started to realize the job that I’m having is not the future that I wanted. I hallucinated that being involved in a business, where making sure my own performance is good will eventually earn me big bucks and big money. I was made to believe that working hard will secure a wealthy future. I was also made to believe that by enduring the hardship will fine tune my mentality to have great success. It was all bullshit. Take a look at my own employer, other bosses of the same industry, none are filthy rich and by this speed, they’ll never be.
Anyways, investment, how much had I made? Negative value it is. I have experienced glimpse of climax where the market goes in my way. I had faced disappointment when my investment account is close to doom. Honestly, I wonder whether I will ever be successful in what I’m doing now. But at least I’m enduring the hardship now. Winning is bonus and losing is numb. Every win I made is making me lose less.
I never desperate for big wealth, I only brag about it. The reason I involved myself into investment is to hasten the process of clearing the mountains of debts that I owe. How much wealth can one accumulate and bring with him after life? None. At this stage, Forex is no longer an investment instead, it is a pastime hobby. I wonder, will I ever make money from it? As I’m typing now, I’m losing less, but nevertheless I’m still losing.
May 23 My pathetic selfSometimes people might wonder why I have to complain about everything. Why am I so sarcastic? And honestly I do not have the answer to that. My behavior is like a written language where nobody else could understand but me. I may say something that is hurtful to other’s ears but I did not intentionally mean that. And trust me, most of the time, I hate myself for that. What is said and done is not reversible. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness. And by asking, I do not expect you to really forgive me. I do not earn that privilege.
I am a person too grumpy to many things that are beyond my intelligence. I cannot understand why other people would hurt me. I cannot understand why other people have so little love for everything else but themselves. I certainly cannot understand why other people would perform an act that would make me angry. And on top of that, these people did not say sorry. Such a simple and powerful word but no one is willing to utter. Perhaps it’s the most expensive and valuable word in the world. Or hadn’t they felt sorry for that they did? Or I am supposed to be the one for feeling the need to be sorry over.
“Hello? Knock knock. Is anyone there? “sometimes I feel that way. I’m all alone in my world. I am in a world where people would call in between. I’m not the worst and neither am I the best. People would admire me for my “wide” knowledge and being so smart. Most would think that I’m very capable at this young age. But there’s a lot more that think that I’m worthless. They think that I lie for a living. I’m not asking everyone to love me. I’m not asking for everyone to praise my name. I’m not asking to be god. Simply put, I’m better than a lot of people out there but I’m not good enough. Take this writing for example; there is no real answer to every single question.
Sometimes I avoid facing things that I have to face. I would rather them go away, far away from my life. There are much that I need to worry about, a bit chunk of it are things that I don’t have to worry about. My meal tomorrow is a worry as I do not have any money in the pocket now. Have you ever tasted the feeling of not having a single cent in your pocket? I worry much about the loan that I have to pay back. I have to pay credit card, car loan, parent loan and study loans. There is no one to blame on because I took it all onto myself.
I am flat broke. Totally broke. I have no idea where to find money. What will happen after I finish paying all my debt? Will I taking up a house loan? More and more liability. I promised myself a big dream of scraping the idea of worry over money in the future. I want to have a lot of money where I do not anymore earn depend on other people’s mood. I want to be totally independent. I want to smile and cry because I want to. Not because other people would like to see me doing that. I’m not an entertainer, nor am I a clown.
Nobody understands me. I am all alone in this world. Nobody would listen to what I have to say. Those who listens are either not interested or doesn’t understand or misconcluded my meaning. The truth is, life sucks. So is this writing, when you’re reading I’m sure you have no idea what I’m saying. Let me give you a lead, what I say and write “are not supposed to be read and comprehended. It is supposed to be felt and appreciated”. All about me is an art that only me could understand and appreciate. And this is an art where others will call as bullshit.
April 20 Vista, Live Vs MacPlease do not blame me for the ugly blog layout. It's all because of the stupid Windows Writer Crashed and the stupid HTML formatting that this site provide. I guess a laksa Apek will have fewer problems with diarrhea than with blogging in this site. It'll all be settled soon when I have my Mac. There goes all the routine OS crashing, hang, viral attack, spy bots and a big chunk of my money. Anyways, I have just saved 50 cents so there is a long way to sulk. In fact, Vista has so many bugs that I think we have less problem with the Hemiptera family. For those who cannot comprehend what is Hemiptera, don't bother. Just like me not giving a damn what is HTML formatting while typing this blog. Am I stupid?Am I? Well take a look at the layout of this blog and you’ll probably lose interest and click away. Is that my problem? Well NO. Big fat bloody NO. As usual, I will not say that I have a problem, but Windows Live has problems. Live Writer doesn’t work. Nor can it be easily deleted. Blogging is made tough when we have to do it the HTML way, if imagine you have shit the HTML way. When there is no obvious way we can change to non-HTML and I don’t really bother, that’s the time we learn to live with whatever bull shit we were given. Do you think I have the time to shift+, p shift+. Shift+, end shift+. everytime I wanna write something? That’s like wearing an underwear with a coded lock and every time we wanna shit, we need to wind the dail to unlock and when we forgot the password we’ll shit in our pants. Well that sounds layman to me. And I’m a lay man. I only have one word to describe about Windows Vista, "stupid". And I’m even dumber for buying it. I have not owned a Mac before so I can't really say that it's more superior compared to a PC. But I do know this, even Laksa apek will love a MAc simply because of the layout and design. The system is easier to operate than a toilet flush. For those who do not agree probably doesn't flush the toilet. PC is like a toilet. People like me who doesn't know how to flush a "PC" toilet probably will think that a PC stinks. Not that I refuse to flush but it's simply getting more and more complicated to operate. When a PC shows an error, I can't even comprehend what is it about. What "error code: 0003625"? That is bull shit to me. Why can they just tell us that there is not enough graphic to support? A linguist will probably find that a PC language is harder than greek combined with Korean. And a linguist will probably love Mac because the layout alone offers more orgasm when we jerk off while watching porn with it. The older version of Macbook even colored a bit spermy. Anyways, my point is PC sux and currently to me, Mac Rock. That's only my personal view. Feel free to criticize my writing disagree with me. I don't give damn. When you have a PC that crashed so many time like I had, you'll probably don’t give a damn like me. April 03 Banking Hari IniI'm very disappointed and angry today. Simply because everything is hard and longwinded. While the government has already "changed our IC to My Card", apart from causing us more trouble, the card did not improve our life. Not ONE single bit. I can quite remember the long queue to register for application, the long queue to snap photograph (we were not allowed to bring our own photo) and the long queue to hand in the form. Why can't we get form, snap and hand in the form at the same time? Why did the office has 12 counters but there were only 3 operating? Why prepare so many counters and not use them when needed? When is the time that those inactive counters need to be used? Again that is a mystery. Corruption perhaps. More value for the contract. I don't know. This is not an accuse but a rough guess. And from the date of application, we had to wait for the letter to arrive so that we can collect the card ourself. Again, why can they send the card directly to us? Why is the use of writing the address in the application form? Why there are post offices around? If it is not safe to send the cards directly to our home? Why not deposit them at the nearest police stations? Isn't that safer than leaving them lying in the office with folks who are gunless. 5 minutes before this, I was filling in form for my mom's banking accounts application. To be more specific, Bank Simpanan National account application. In the forms, I had to fill in a total of; Address X 2 "My Card number" X 6 Phone number X 2 Birthday(which can be obtained in the 1st 6 digits of MyCard) X 2 And she had to give; Signature X 6 IC X 1 (if we are giving IC, why there is a need to fill in those details in the form?) Deposit form X 2 (which is exactly the same) This is my comment, the application is a long winded, too much paper work (outdated style, which explain why BSN is no longer popular) and the tellers are painstakingly lazy. In the forms, there is this column where we need to state our working status and ranking. It is written as; Status Perkahwinan: _Professional _Kerajaan _Swasta etc etc. That's right, you did not read wrongly and neither I typed wrongly. They wrote PERKAHWINAN instead of Perkerjaan. That's an awful mistake for a bank. How can we trust our money with them? And we need to state our income status and approximate amount. Come on, we're depositing money, trusting them, not borrowing money. Why doesn't everyone have some cow sense? Thanks for visiting!
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